Taming the Black Dog - for Jodi

I wanted to put this post out there, especially for Jodi, who I know has been suffering from the effects of depression and anxiety.

I, too, have suffered from clinical depression and anxiety over the years, and whilst I do a darn good job of managing it now, I am still wary of it lurking over my shoulder for a number of reasons.

A few facts about depression:
- clinical depression (where you exhibit "symptoms" of depression as measured by an index) occurs to 85% of women at least once in their life. If you are one of the 15% who have yet to experience a depressive episode, lucky you!
- clinical depression involves an imbalance of brain neurotransmitters, serotonin being the main transmitter affected. The imbalance can be precipitated by many things - for example, a stressful life event - such as having a baby, moving house, death/divorce, starting a new job etc, in other words, whilst the root cause is usually psychological stress of some sorts, it manifests itself as physical symptoms with a chemical cause.
-the worse the imbalance, the worse the distress and it turns into a perpetual never ending cycle - which is why the use of antidepressant medication can be very useful.
-the best results seem to be use of medicines with other therapy such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and the fun stuff, like getting some exercise in the fresh air! Used alone, the effect is limited.
-depression can run in families and is linked to eating disorders. In my own case, family members have had eating disorders and I expressed my malcontent in a big weight gain post children.

-people who are depressed can suffer from a number of irrational beliefs. These were coined by Ellis in the 60s. An example of a few of these are:

1) I must be perfect/act perfectly or else
2) People must love and approve of me or else I am worthless
3) I must be adequate and achieving in every respect
4) When I do something badly, I'm a bad person, I'm a failure, I'm an idiot
5) Human unhappiness is caused by life circumstances and it is impossible to be happy when things aren't going well for me
6) It is awful if I cannot find the correct solution to a problem.

There are many "rational responses" to these situations. I will borrow your post if that is OK Jodi.

"I must not blog or read anyone elses blog about the things I'm interested in because my partner thinks it's crap, vain etc etc. " (subjectively this could mean - if I blog/read, it is crap because he says so and if I disagree with him, he will not approve of me, and if he doesn't approve of me, then I will feel worthless".

Another way of looking at it.
" I really enjoy reading everyone's blogs.
Gather some evidence about vanity, crap etc...
"I don't think being healthy and fit is crap, neither do several thousand other bloggers - I am not interested in (insert partner's interests here) one bit"
To partner "I don't knock your interests, why are you criticizing mine...my beliefs are different. it is OK to be different"
"What you think/say or do is none of my business" (meaning you cannot control what comes out of someone else's mouth, so let it go...
"I know what I want. I know what I love. I am worthwhile because I exist, because God chose to create me" (can't get much better than that)

Jodi, you are not pathetic, you are not weak, you have been sidelined with a physical problem. You have been given a gift - that your barometer is just a bit more finely tuned than most others which gives you the greatest ability to show empathy and to love. You have an amazing spirit and every tool in the box to shine - and that you share your spirit so generously with everyone and are so supportive tells me that you are an exceptional person - worthwhile indeed!

Some of the most famous people have suffered from depression. You are not alone. I walk with you in your fight. Here's a great link.
http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

So please keep blogging and say what you feel like - it is your life and your choice.

Hugs,
Liz N