Stepping Up!

I woke up feeling much better today and got to teach Bodystep this morning which was great fun. It's my "fun" factor class and my one class a week is a wonderful contrast to my four "tough nut" RPM classes. I believe the hardest part about returning after illness is taking things a little slower and building up to full tilt gradually. I tend to remember how fit I was before illness, and sometimes I have to adjust my attitude and tell myself it is perfectly fine to ease back into things. I must be on the mend as I'm feeling really good after class and have just enjoyed a huge plate of fish and vegetables. Yum yum!

I'm glad that the response to my blog spring clean has been positive. Even though I really enjoyed doing my Figure Comps, that phase for me is over and I feel more focused on living a healthy lifestyle and encouraging others to do the same and find their happy place with their training and exercise. Life is full of flux and it's really exciting to watch all the changes people make - Lisa posted yesterday about her "retirement" from powerlifting and her enjoyment of Cross Fit. Shelley's thinking of doing some powerlifting. Fern is caning Crossfit and only eating out of Tupperware when she takes her lunch to work. What is next on the fitness cards for me, I don't know but I'm just enjoying every workout and going with the flow.

Actually I do have something lined up next Wednesday - I'm doing Yoga with Lynne after teaching my Bodystep class - Lynne does my Step class and I thought I would try out Yoga after seeing how "connected" she is within herself - a good time to slow down, focus on being mindful and still - will see how it goes and report back!

Doing a LIttle Renovating

Like my first shots at renovation? Let me know what you think, good, bad or otherwise!

You can tell I'm getting better, I'm restless!

Being Different

Yeah, I'm different all right, I'm the only person I know who gets a cold/flu in September! It's funny, I was commenting to Shelley last week that I was feeling rather tired, we sensibly took the day off training, but perhaps this has been on the brew for longer than I thought. Anyway, the old throat glands are up like footballs, I'm taking my Vitamin C , Nurofen and sucking on a few Fisherman's Friends. What rotten luck!

Unfortunately off to work today in the pharmacy - that is the down side of my job - if no pharmacist is present, the store cannot be open by law. I'll just have to take it easy and try not to cough on anyone......

Intuitive Eating and Biology

This morning I read Magda's post about the struggle she has faced post competition and wanted to share a few personal thoughts as to why the going gets tough.

It's worthwhile googling "The Minnesota Semi Starvation Study" to see the effects of a very restricted diet on a group of men and the psychological problems experienced afterwards and during the study as a result of the restriction. All comp prep requires a calorie deficit to some degree but an extremely strict and lengthy prep will have the same effect as the study above. It is often said that Figure and Bodybuilding Competitions are a breeding ground for eating disorders, which I agree with on many levels. I believe that bodybuilding tends to attract the "all or nothing" type of person (a common thread in bulimia/BED), the perfectionist (a common trait of anorexia nervosa sufferers) and other compulsive types. Now not all competitors are like this, nor do all go on to suffer eating disorders, but a good percentage do.

To sum up there is a demonstrated biological link - with many theories purporting to why this happens, but the fact is that it does happen.

The other thing that disturbs me about the bodybuilding world is that competitors jacked up on steroids are shown to be "inspirational". The IFBB Olympia is on this weekend, the so called "best" women's figure competitors are those with good symmetry (tick), good muscle (tick) and the best access to human grade (if you're lucky) pharmaceuticals (a 'false impression' if ever there was one ) In my opinion there's absolutely nothing inspirational about these girls.

I've digressed but I'm coming back now to the concept of Intuitive Eating that a few bloggers here are embracing. Even though I've done a "prep" this year, my whole year of life coaching has shown me the importance of making self care a priority. The focus on Intuitive Eating seals this for me. There is a lot of discomfort in letting go for many of us, but embracing some of the principles of Intuitive Eating can do us all some good, even if you're not ready to take all the steps. I'm not ready to take the steps surrounding my triggers and I've been reading an interesting blog that talks about both intuitive eating and triggers which explains to me why I feel terrible after eating a lot of junky food! Yes, I really do crave healthier fare afterwards, but studies relating to the opioid effects of processed carbs on the brain (that this author mentions as well as David Kessler in his book "The End of Overeating") suggest to me that it is a far greater honour towards myself to skip these types of foods.

Check out Sheryl Canter's work here , it is really interesting.

Taught RPM this morning, which was pretty tough and then had the most beautiful berry fruit salad with a dollop of yoghurt for morning tea. I sat there marvelling at the taste and crunch of the berries and felt deliriously happy that I'd treated myself with a great workout and some great eats.

I'm now half watching the Broncos get thrashed. I have a theory that if I left the TV, they may turn around and make a comeback!

So what's with all this "Greatest Love of All"?

with thanks to Lululemon Athletica for the great graphic.

Whitney Houston once sang "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

So following on from yesterday's post, how do you learn to let it happen? It's the missing piece of the puzzle, the notion of honouring oneself, in order to be present for ourselves and those dearest to us. If we nourish ourselves we can step out of our comfort zone to inspire others. It's like the "place your own lifejacket on before your children" scenario played out in all pre flight procedures, how can we give, if we're drowning?

Find a quiet spot in your mind and ask yourself what you really want. Be patient, because the answer isn't always apparent. If at first you don't succeed, keep trying. I want............so that.......... is the usual script. What I really want is wrapped up in being the most authentic self I can be - that who I am is an accurate reflection of my values and beliefs.

For example my manifesto for being kind to myself involves nourishing my body with food that makes my body sing and my performance skyrocket. I honour myself by choosing food and choosing exercise that aligns my head, my heart and my love of music. Training without my mate or my Ipod just doesn't cut it. Being kind to myself sometimes means saying "no" to something rather than saying "yes".

Your wants need to be balanced with a sense of gratitude about the life you have been given. Today I am grateful for the opportunity I had to teach RPM - I felt better than I did last Saturday and I am grateful for the connection I get to make with my trainees every week. I get a lot of pleasure seeing everyone enjoy themselves. I am grateful for the connection I have with my girls.

Be still, walk lightly, dance on the outside as well as the inside- see the beauty and potential around you!

If you happen to see a crazy lady moonwalking down the aisle at Woollies, you just may have sighted me. Oh, and I'll also be the one carrying the asparagus, salmon and potatoes for a splendid dinner. Wahooo!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KjpyHX7X-o

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

Chorus:
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Chorus

And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

Last Blog on Weight Loss Ever!

After reading different perspectives on Tara's post about losing weight, it inspired me to write about it as well. As someone who has coached quite a few through the weight loss process, I can say without hesitation that if it was just about calories in versus calories out, we'd all be slender and there would be no such thing as a weight problem. Only it's way more complex than that.

Tara mentioned attributes such as lack of discipline, self control and motivation and on the surface, that may appear to be true. However, in my own experience, finding out why there is a perceived lack of discipline, self control etc is probably more important.

When I was 35kg overweight, I remember not liking myself very much, nor liking the reflection that I saw in the mirror. I tried many times half heartedly to lose the weight but would always fail and then add some more. I made my breakthrough by deciding to love myself and accept myself for where I was at that moment. And every time I made a healthier choice, I would tell myself "good job". The only race I had going was within myself.

Katie P has written it more eloquently than I possibly could:

"I embrace the airy fairy concept of choosing to take great care of myself. I observe my thoughts and replace the negative with the positive. I listen to my body and eat food that gives me the most pleasure over the longest time. I move with joy and ease. I do what makes me happy and alive every moment of every day.

There is no time, there is no tomorrow, my life is not a giant countdown clock to the next event, I choose to be happy right now.

Achieving a fit, lean, healthy body is not the measure of success but the by-product of living a life of nurturing self care and self love."

I choose exercise that I really enjoy. Whist I love reading about what goes on at Crossfit, I doubt you'll ever see me there! I love teaching my classes. I love going to the gym to train to be stronger and fitter and faster, rather than so I can have hot legs. My legs look great as a result of pushing myself to be fitter!

There are many paths to weight loss and each way has different meaning attached to it dependent on the person. For example, some who log into Calorieking find themselves becoming possessed by the numbers. Others, like me, find it useful to see that I can really eat a wide variety of food. I use a log when I'm taking a little bit of weight loss action, but for every day lean living, I rely on positive behaviours that reflect the fact that I believe good self care should be of the highest priority (plus with all the running around I've been doing lately, I have little time to log food every day).

Embracing yourself and choosing to bless your body with exercise and foods that you enjoy ( and I now naturally gravitate towards the good for you stuff) is the foundation upon which any lasting weight loss is built. Next time you pass the mirror, rather than telling yourself you're a "fucking fat cow" tell yourself that you love and accept yourself right now in this moment. You'll find it really makes a difference.

I titled this post the last blog on weight loss ever, because even though weight loss can be a worthwhile endeavour, l'm more about about enjoying my fitness and food right now than anything.

Having a Senior Moment

Pumped out a great training session with Miss Shelley which involved 5 sets of incline bench presses done cluster style and 5 sets of pull ups done cluster style as well. It hurt like hell, and my shoulder complained. I complain to my physio and she says "Liz, your shoulder is 40 years old now and isn't going to always work perfectly". "Bah!" I think. Then it was onto dumbbell bench presses (I love going flat, Shelley likes her angles - we both got something yesterday) as well as rows and some biceps work. The whole thing took us just over an hour and we didn't stop. The weird thing is that even though I was pretty much hammered after the session, I'm only a tad sore this morning. Aaah, the joys of adaptation!

Then had a birthday party for Miss G at the park with 14 squealing seven year olds. After a few musk sticks too many and playing pass the parcel and all those other good party games, I really didn't feel like dinner, so I skipped it.

This morning RPM Hi Performance - good solid whacker of a class, found it tough going and very relieved that all of my participants felt the same way!

Now off to see Harry Potter again with Miss S and her friend (belated birthday present) and then we are having pizza after that.

After my birthday celebrations all week and pizza tonight, no doubt I shall be craving vegetables and fresh fruit and ready to hit some clean eating again.

Good luck to all the competitors for the INBA show tomorrow. I am still in conflict over competing - sometimes I want to and then as the wise Ferny P says "who wants to spend their life eating out of f*ckin Tupperware containers" (this quote should be immortal, don't you think?) At the moment, living lean and loving life is right where I want (and need to be)

Anatomy of an RPM class

I've just taught RPM in the CBD and thought that it might be fun to share what my 45 minutes is like up on stage. My class is at 12.15pm. Everyone has a different style of teaching, I would say that I'm a bit of a technician, rather than perky (I save that for Step!). The serious hat goes on and I'm all about everyone getting the best results with the best technique.

12.00pm: Arrive at Fitness First CBD, scan in and head straight to the studio and turn on the lights. Come back into the office section, grab the microphone and run into Libby from Perth who is a great mate of Shar's - we have a great chat and I give her instructions to say "hi" to Shar for me.
12.05pm: Have a "pre class piddle" (sorry if TMI) and then go and meet and greet my participants - check their bike set ups, see how they're going. Typically I get between 36 and 42 people in class (42 is a full class). Test microphone, set up bike, put on shoes and get ready to rumble.
12.15pm: Class starts - I introduce myself to the class, explain that participants need to work at a level that feels good to them and talk about perceived exertion, pedalling technique and position on the bike. I don't want to sound too chatty, but I need to get all of the info across and still be entertaining. Choose "Crabbuckit" for the first track, explaining my initiation into the world of keeping fish. Get a few laughs.

Track 2 begins and then I am coaching 'connection' through the pedal stroke and a strengthening of commitment towards their ride and their fitness. Encourage them through 3 x 30 seconds of gradually increasing effort and model seated and standing climb towards the end.

I choose Track 3 from the newest release, because I like the music and I really enjoy coaching this track. There are 4 hills in the track and I coach a slow steady build up to each peak, getting more intense each time. I find that it's less intimidating for everyone and that all of a sudden they get to the end and they're really tired.

Changed up Track 4 and chose a really trancy piece and got them to focus on a positive affirmation during the class to take withthem into Track Five. My example was "I ride strong" - I don't say too much during this type of track, rather I like to let the music speak for itself.

Track Five and we're onto 5 intervals at 100% effort. I tell the class that we're taking work in a 3 to 2 ratio and the recoveries are long, so if they're to ride strong they really have to smack it. Build nicely into a preparatory phase and then I tell them "two full turns" and WHAM! I'm at 100% max effort like that - two attacks and then sliding forward into the Aeroracing position and hitting my quads big time. Everything is stinging and I'm gasping for air like Jabba the Hutt. (aarh),. Thank goodness for recovery! I'm so fatigued, I just squeak out "back it off and recover!" Four more to go! Tell yourself "I ride strong," I yell - smack out 100% in the next two intervals, I'm kicking butt and my class are coming home strong too. Get through number 4 and then I ask the class if they're ready to bring it..." YEAH!!!!! " is the response. Give it everything I have and start feeling nauseous. Make a mental note to bring my big red bucket next time. You never know when you're going to need to throw up.

Track Six - after Track Five being such a gutser, I focus on recovery and encourage the class to "find the edge" of the resistance. I've chosen really short bursts of speed in this track rather than a lot of cadence work. Fifteen seconds to go as fast as you can with good resistance - class really went for it. "Well done team!" I say, "nice effort!" Next interval is 40 seconds and this time I get the class to find their 'push point' of resistance and coach a build up from 85% to 100% intensity over 45 seconds. On recovery, their legs all slow to half pace. I'm happy, as it is telling me that the class are putting enough resistance on, riding with control and staying safe.

Track Seven - one for the climbers definitely. Coached 4 massive hills and two seated attacks in between. Encouraged to go to max and pin pointed the recoveries so the class could gauge their effort. Let it go completely during 30 seconds seated under max load. Heart pumping, lungs and legs on fire, attack until the end and go out hard and strong...oooh yeah!

Track Eight and Nine: Congratulate class on a job well done and lead them through the cool down and stretches, explaining the purpose of each stretch and the correct position. Have a chat to them after class and mop up all the sweat I've accumulated around the bike.

Go have a shower and lament that I didn't bring fresh socks. I reckon I must have sweated a cup of fluid into each side..yuck!

Meet hubby for lunch - we have Thai Beef and Noodle salads on the waterfront at a restaurant right on the river and share a bit of cheesecake for dessert (that softened me up for signing my life away on this mortage) - what better time to time some post workout carbs hee hee.

Feeling Flat

Don't you just hate those days when you "feel flat"? I think the combination of TOM, a hectic week with kids and "negative nelly" thinking on my part have led me to this point but I'm determined to eat the day on a more positive note.

Yesterday was Miss G's 7th birthday and I spent the better part of the day trying to purchase an aquarium (it is amazing how a 70.00 tank turns into a 200.00 one after you add all the stuff you need to keep the fish alive). We haven't got any fish yet, we're still prepping the the waters! I also taught two classes yesterday, RPM and Bodystep, in the latter class we were all so hot we were wondering if we were menopausal, but it turns out the air con was switched off - I felt hot and dehydrated for the rest of the day. We also had ballet and in the middle of that I baked Georgia a birthday cake and cupcakes - now I have blogged that baking is my Achilles heel and I can safely say there were far too many tastes going on. Hence the negative thoughts about why do I have to indulge in behaviours that are diametrically opposite to the direction I wish to head in.

It's easy to see how catastrophic thoughts of failure can crop up from one single event, especially one that has been layered on top of what was a very hectic and stressful kind of day. However, in just writing this blog, it's easy to see how hard we can be on ourselves. Is the fact I licked the spoon a few many times going to have significant impact on life in the long term? Unlikely. If I lick it every day? Maybe.

Life is going on, whether we're 'perfect' or not - and you don't have to be 'perfect' to be successful, the main thing is that you get up and you keep going.

Today I'm having lunch with hubs in the CBD after I teach RPM. I expect to be feeling fantastic after my class and I'm looking forward to spending some time with him (and signing some bank docos related to the house, debt here I come!)

I'm smiling!

I'm smiling because I celebrated my 40th Birthday with some great friends and some awesome birthday cake (s) (yes, plural!) (from left: me, Shelley, Nicole and Fern).

I had a wonderful evening full of life, love and laughs!

There's lots more to say but because I've got to have my "A Game" ready for training tomorrow, I'm headed to bed. But I reckon the best is to come!

Letting Go of the Numbers

Had a smasher of a training session today with Mrs Biologica and emerged tired but triumphant! There's always something to be learned from having a good crack at something and today's lesson was in learning to ignore the numbers.

On Tuesday, I got a bench press of 52.5kg, but as soon as I started thinking about how much weight that was, I lost the plot a bit. Shelley was the same, a bit startled that she can military press as much as she can bench (which means she could pick up a tiny weeny figure competitor in a cinch!) - as soon as we stopped thinking about the numbers, we started lifting more. Shelley did a PB in our push ups - added the 10kg plate and off she went, hesitantly in the first set and smashed the second (the difference - she didn't realize that I'd added the 10kg back for the second set!). Which meant I had to pull my finger out and get 15kg - for 8 reps only, I ended up submarining on the floor and couldn't push myself up again. Ouch!

The power of the mind is an amazing thing. Sometimes we have to cast the numbers aside and what we think we can do and just go to that place where we really test our potential.

The other thing that stands out in my mind is "course correction". Lately I've been paying more attention to planning my meals and generally eating less processed stuff and more greens, lean protein etc. Today I rushed out the door with only my pumpkin soup as my post workout snack. I ended up having to buy an HPLC bar at the gym and because that sucker packs nearly 400cals I had to cut it in half (yeah, bugger!). When I got home, the old belly was growling in a major way - the chicken and veggie stir fry was just not going to cut it alone so I had a slice of spelt toast with lunch. Aaah, much better! Not on my original "plan" but I'm now happy and comfortable rather than trolling for food like a mad banshee.

Well after all that heavy lifting I am going to have a little lie down as I'm busily preparing for life in a new decade.

Client Results

Even though I'm not doing any live PT anymore, I wanted to share some photos of my client, Christine. We spent six months or so training to add muscle - this is the result of six months hard work and some really heavy lifting (example - Christine went from 25kg to 45kg on bench press and easily deadlifts 70kg plus)

Proof that throwing around some good weights earns you a killer bod! (and the right to have an assistant hold your weights whilst you fix your outfit/hair/make up!)

When the Rage in Me Subsides

Guess the lyrics? ("Silence" Sarah McLaughlin)

Good choice of lyrics for today as the rage in me has subsided. After a little bit of deliberation, rather than let rip about this person that believes the lies he/she continually tells him/ herself (this pond scum isn't even worthy of gender identification) , I decided to hit "delete" on my brain keyboard and banish them to being a total non entity in my life. And if ever I come across them again, I think the appropriate term could possibly be "arsehole", lol.

I know I did the right thing as if by magic my mood started lifting and I started seeing sunshine again.

I'm ready to hit the ground running for a great day. Firstly to be a domestic goddess and do a little food prep and then to go and cane my Thursday lunchtime RPM class - yeah, I'm running wild and free!

It's Not Right but It's OK...

I'm going to make it anyway... la la la (Track 10a, Bodystep).

I can't believe that I taught Bodystep today, given all of my foot issues. I'm a little tender, but I'm OK. The worst part was that I woke up at 2.30am thinking about choreography, couldn't get back to sleep and then decided at 3.30am, be done with it, hopped up and went over the class - I must have looked a sight dancing round the loungeroom in my PJs in the wee hours of the morning.

Had a really interesting (and painful!) visit to see my physio, Louise who got to work on my stiff ankles, toe flexors and subtalar joint. I have bruises up and down my calves from my session, but now my ankles are moving freely and I'm feeling better. The podiatrist visit was pretty good too - apparently I under pronate and I've got to get new shoes and a new set of orthotics. He was pretty confident my issues would be sorted and I've got all manner of padding under my feet and on my old orthotics and I felt much better teaching step this morning.

Feeling tired and physically and emotionally drained from other goings on that I'm choosing not to blog about. Part of me just wants to let it rip, but the more sensible side just tells me to let it go now and move on. I read so many blogs that have such an rarefied air of politeness about them, I'm amazed that more of us just don't let it go - vent our spleens, state our cases. Who wrote "injustice rankles?" It's a great turn of phrase.

I think it just might be time for a nanna nap....

Letting it Ride

"Reality is your friend, because it gives you back your perspective and hence the power over yourself" Roger Gould.

Love this quote - I've been digging more into what my reality is right now and coming to the conclusion that mental fatigue has played a bit part in my life the past few months and really did catch up with me. Ever heard of the phrase (mostly used by men) "women think too much"? Uh, that would be me. Left to my devices too long, I've let a few thoughts run away with me and turn into what I call "big whoppers". For example, today I have to take the day off work because Miss G has been up all night vomiting. Rather than leave it at just being rotten luck and just unfortunate, I could feel myself magnifying it into a scenario where my employer would not be impressed with me, I'd be fired, (not that) fat and forty! (yeah, I know!). These "all or nothing" feelings do nothing but make me feel anxious (which in the past was a driver for overeating).

In these situations I really have to tell myself to "get a grip" and really look at what is real versus what is imagined - and reality wins every time. Getting relief from unpleasant feelings usually means facing reality - and reality is a good place to be!

I've got good news on the foot front, padding underneath my metatarsals is really helping, I've yet to see my physio and podiatrist (which only signals improvement!) and I'm cautiously optimistic that I can teach Step on Wednesday morning as well as my usual RPM. I've also been doing some ankle mobilization exercises (the advantages of being an exercise phys, I can start my rehab straight away!) and hip flexor work.

Training with Mrs B tomorrow (I'm wondering what heavy s**t she's lifted today) and sleeping much better. Dare I say it, I can't wait to be punished!

Lots to look forward to on the nutrition front today as well. Pumpkin soup (hooray!), fresh NZ trevally and vegetables and roasted vegetable salad with fetta and balsamic dressing (leftovers from Father's Day dinner yesterday).

In a better groove today!

I have to say that sleep is a beautiful thing and a highly underrated occupation. Was able to get off to sleep and stay asleep last night which left me feeling much more "even" this morning.

After a fair bit of angst, I decided to teach RPM this morning - and guess what, padded up there was no pain at all - I was a bit puffy after a week of doing nothing, but boy, did it feel good to move again! I did some shouldery rehab stuff - am slowly getting it back into submission, so here's hoping I'm as good as gold really soon.

Thank you for the comments on the kangaroo and the depression. I think kangaroo is a bit of an acquired taste and you have to cook it just right to bring out the best in it! I can highly recommend the herb and garlic steaks as a first port of call to any virgin kangaroo eaters.

Now onto the depression - thank you to Esme for your comment about depression and caring professions. I think we're inadvertently led to believe that somehow we're above suffering the ills of our patients. I remember the day I started my pharmacy degree, being in a lecture theatre with the med students, physios and all the other medicine/health students and being told that we were "elite", how we had to 'rise above' to treat our patients. Depression doesn't discriminate though -I've lost colleagues to suicide and it's even worse if you're a doctor it seems.

Now I think that when we care, we need to be especially cautious of taking time to recharge our own batteries. I allowed myself to get too busy and tried to be too much for too many people. However I am consciously choosing to say "no" to more things so I can say "yes" to feeling more even, more relaxed and to having more fun.

Now, off to bed soon to curl up with a good book. Resting helps everything, including a frazzled headspace feel much better!

The Monster at the End of the Bed

Raechelle's courageous posts about dealing with alcoholism this week got me thinking about the monster at the end of my own bed and the shame that we feel in admitting we have such weaknesses. However, weakness can be unifying, because you are guaranteed to find someone just around the corner with the same struggles as you and often the best life connections are made as a result.

I have touched on my monster over the years in this blog - I have suffered from depression on and off since my late teens. For the most part it's been pretty well controlled with a course of CBT from a psychologist in the 90s and SSRI medication when I get bad symptoms. For me, I know that the monster has resurfaced when I cannot sleep and I start feeling completely whacko about everything I put into my mouth (good or bad). The monster has been asleep since 2007, but has started to stir over the past month or so and a week ago attacked with a vengeance.

Today I saw my very wise GP, who likens a depressive episode to Archimede's Principle. Put "stuff" into a thin tube over time and gradually it will fill - add one little thing more and you get to overflowing. It's not the "little thing" that caused it (say my poor old metatarsals), but a series of stressful events leading to this point. And my goodness, this year has been full of those.

With this issue, hindsight is a wonderful thing. I know after a day or two of drugs, I'll look back and say, "how could I have not seen that coming?" However, when you're in the thick of feeling rotten, you just don't know how to think. I liken it to crossing a river. Your positive rational thoughts are on the other side. You know that the side you're on (the negative and irrational is doing you no good) but you don't have the tools to jump to the other side because you're scared you're going to fall in and drown. That's where the SSRI helps me - and why I can't understand people who tell others to toughen up and be strong without medication. If there is a need for a drug, go for it I say - and you know soon enough whether it works or not by changes in quality of life etc etc.

Shelley and I both decided to "chuck a sickie" today training wise. I've padded under my tarsometarsal joint and I don't know whether it's rest, padding or both, but it has improved dramatically today. I'm to teach RPM tomorrow, so I'll pad up and try and stay positive, even though I'm feeling a bit like an unfit slug (ah the mind games that a week off can play!).

Instead I've been attacking our filing cabinet with gusto and trying to get inspired to cook something nice for dinner. I revisited kangaroo meat today after being put off by the smell of the mince. I had a kangaroo herb and garlic steak for afternoon tea with some green vegetables. It was superb - oh Skippy, where have you been all my life. I simply seared both sides for 2 mins each for a medium to well done steak.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Uh oh..

I've been a bit 'absent' the past few days - because I've been a bear with a sore paw... I've been having pain between my first and second metatarsal and ankle stiffness (I think, secondary to the ol tarsals giving me heaps) so this week I've done nothing, except a super lift heavy you-know-what session with ol' Mrs Biologica - quick newsflash to say that I finally got my 50kg bench - woohoo! - except have a pity party for my feet. No step launch with Chieko and no RPM either, I've been sadly looking at my yellow wig and funky launch sunglasses.

There, have I painted a sad picture or what?

Off to the sports doc this morning and straight onto "X Radiology" for a Bone Scan. If you're in Brisbane and want top notch radiology services - this is the place to go. They did my shoulder ultrasound injections as well as the scan today and a mini CT scan as well because the data was patchy - that will be $600.00 paid by Mr Rudd thank you very much (bulk billed!). Anyway no stress fracture or talk of Morton's Neuroma, but I have degeneration in one of my tarsometatarsal joints and my talus (large ankle bone). The doc has said "no step" until foot pain settles but to keep doing RPM and lifting heavy you-know-what.

Next stop is my favourite physio and the podiatrist. My goal is to have myself all fixed up by the time I officially reach middle age (next Saturday).

I don't know how you're meant to make any of these appointments when you work full time so I consider myself extremely lucky that this has come together so quickly!