I have touched on my monster over the years in this blog - I have suffered from depression on and off since my late teens. For the most part it's been pretty well controlled with a course of CBT from a psychologist in the 90s and SSRI medication when I get bad symptoms. For me, I know that the monster has resurfaced when I cannot sleep and I start feeling completely whacko about everything I put into my mouth (good or bad). The monster has been asleep since 2007, but has started to stir over the past month or so and a week ago attacked with a vengeance.
Today I saw my very wise GP, who likens a depressive episode to Archimede's Principle. Put "stuff" into a thin tube over time and gradually it will fill - add one little thing more and you get to overflowing. It's not the "little thing" that caused it (say my poor old metatarsals), but a series of stressful events leading to this point. And my goodness, this year has been full of those.
With this issue, hindsight is a wonderful thing. I know after a day or two of drugs, I'll look back and say, "how could I have not seen that coming?" However, when you're in the thick of feeling rotten, you just don't know how to think. I liken it to crossing a river. Your positive rational thoughts are on the other side. You know that the side you're on (the negative and irrational is doing you no good) but you don't have the tools to jump to the other side because you're scared you're going to fall in and drown. That's where the SSRI helps me - and why I can't understand people who tell others to toughen up and be strong without medication. If there is a need for a drug, go for it I say - and you know soon enough whether it works or not by changes in quality of life etc etc.
Shelley and I both decided to "chuck a sickie" today training wise. I've padded under my tarsometarsal joint and I don't know whether it's rest, padding or both, but it has improved dramatically today. I'm to teach RPM tomorrow, so I'll pad up and try and stay positive, even though I'm feeling a bit like an unfit slug (ah the mind games that a week off can play!).
Instead I've been attacking our filing cabinet with gusto and trying to get inspired to cook something nice for dinner. I revisited kangaroo meat today after being put off by the smell of the mince. I had a kangaroo herb and garlic steak for afternoon tea with some green vegetables. It was superb - oh Skippy, where have you been all my life. I simply seared both sides for 2 mins each for a medium to well done steak.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.