Sunday, February 21, 2010

So Emotional

"I get sooooo emotionalllllllll" Whitney Houston

Today has seen me doing a really good Whitney in the emotional stakes. How do you know if it is best to keep your emotions within or to bust 'em wide open? Sometimes it seems as if we don't have a choice, they come up and grab you at the most inopportune moment.

I think we all need an outlet for pent up emotional energy. Sometimes I pour this into my training or my class and very rarely I have a good cry, which is something I should do more often. The only time I seem to cry is in movies - it is as if I have given myself permission to validate my feelings and bring them into the moment.

Today I cried during RPM. This is not the first time it has happened to me, but to be frank, today's episode shook me to the core. Today I participated in the Les Mills Advanced Instructor Module where we spent the day working the essence of what is RPM -today's focus was on coaching, choreography mastery and technique mastery.

The technique mastery sessions were amazing. We did a lot of cycling drills, some which I'm familiar with and other drills that I'd never used before. It was really enlightening and left me with a desire to start getting out onto the road to train.

The coaching sessions were inspiring too with one of the presenters, Meg, sharing some class stories, which were very cool. We then did an exercise where we had to place ourselves on a line of where we thought we were with our RPM journey and it was then the emotion hit me like a ton of bricks, that I feel like (for many reasons) I just haven't been achieving my real potential - this is all mixed in with the frustration of the arthritic shoulder joint from you-know-where. No matter how hard I fought to keep it in, I just couldn't stop the tide - and I have been on and off like this all day.

I have to admit that I felt sorry for the presenters having such an emo nutter on the course - I felt I had to explain that it wasn't anything they'd done that had set me off, but rather a combination of circumstances and emotive language about coaching that had contributed. We ended up doing two assessments, both of which were way below what I'm capable of giving. However, after a good sleep, I am sure that the great stuff I learned will fall into place.

My journey these past few weeks reflects the journey of what I know to be true. I'm human, I get emotional and I've just relearned the value of having a good cry. Self expression propels you forward, rather than backwards. I have a bed to fall into, a house to pack and a road bike to head out on this next week with a light pedal stroke and uplifted heart.

See you when I get back.


ajay said...

Hi Liz, been reading for awhile but this is the first time I've really felt compelled to comment.

I don't think you'd be the first or the last to get emotional on module! I've done three programs now (BS, BJ & BB) and there hasn't been a training yet where I haven't felt a little bit overwhelmed emotionally. Jam in particular I walked out feeling like I'd been run over by a truck.

I think it's probably somewhat normal, or healthy... whatever you want to call it. There is so much emotional intensity surrounding instructing - and this isn't something I would say is a bad thing because we are *so* emotionally invested in our classes and programs.

The things we learn on our GF journeys are absolutely incredible, and sometimes so unexpected.

As you have already said, I'm sure that as soon as you are able to process it all that you will move forward in leaps and bounds.

I can't WAIT to do the BS intensive!

Anonymous said...

And we'll be here! Thank you for sharing this. Propels us forward? I'll gte back to you on that one. ;-)

ss2306 said...

Do you need a hug?

Flea said...

Must say, I'm a bit like you. Only cry in sad movies and really should do it more often. Finally also had a good cry not so long ago and it seemed to get me back on track again a bit, washed the soul I suppose.

And mainly frustrations re injuries, kids, work, you know .. the lot sometimes just get to us.

I hope you day is super!X

MTB Girl said...

Good luck on your journey, Liz. It sounds like you could use some long miles in the saddle with time to think. I love the freedom and alone time the bike provides - enjoy.

LizN said...

Hey Ajay,
Thanks for coming out of the woodwork. I love meeting other instructors who share the same passion as I do. consider your blog bookmarked and essential reading!
Shelley - hugs always welcome from you.
Thanks Amanda (my 2xu buddy - now I'm obsessed with the stuff)
Thanks Flea xoxo
Thanks Kate xoxo - propels us forward, has to mate, has to!

Michelle said...

Having a good cry is cleansing, it helps get all that frustration and emotions out.