Sunday, February 07, 2010

Just Not Into You.. PMS free



I'm wondering if the notion of locking yourself into a padded cell when you're in the throes of PMS is a good thing sometimes, because at that time of the month, I'm really dangerous. I start to mouth off and finally say it how it is. The most intoxicating part is that I can rationalize my behaviour by writing it off to PMS, all the while feeling rather gleeful about my new found boldness. The downside of PMS fuelled activities is that when TOM arrives you can feel like you've spent an evening drunk texting, Facebooking or whatever and woken up the next day without any recollection of what you've actually said and that's when it can get a bit hairy.

I immediately get on the phone and have a chat with my mother, who has been a model citizen her whole life, except for the times she had PMS. Between the two of us, we've shared some shocker moments, which for her safety I won't divulge, except to say - "you said what?!???" By the end of these conversations we've both decided what fun it has been to let our inner lunatic out for a day or so... and then we carry on being good girls for the next month...

The first post that I deleted was titled "she's just not into you" and refers to the minefield of Social Networking Etiquette. I have had a "friend" who has been inadvertently stroking my lunatic muscle for months now. Every time she would update, I'd just about want to hurl spears into the screen. She was the Facebook type that would post every last bit of minutiae about her life experience.

Once she posted about her workout with her fabulous BFF
- "about to go and train my shoulders and calves with x" (this is mildly annoying because what idiot goes to the gym just to train their calves?).
Two minutes later, "I'm just about to start my first set of ........." (okkkkaaaayyyyy)
Then - "I'm resting in between sets" (now I am saying in my head, get off your f**** iPhone)
Fifteen minutes later....
"Oooh that was such a hard workout" (for your fingers maybe?)
And then, the piece de resistance...
"Now I'm having my recovery shake" (to recover from what?)

I didn't know what to do, so I tried her theory, "if you haven't got anything nice to say, then don't say it at all". OK, so I'm going to let it go and quietly marvel at that massive ego and try and change my Facebook settings so I can't see as many updates....no luck there.

Instead I prayed for an easy way out. Redemption came in the way of (yep you guessed it) a status update. It was (wait for it) an announcement! It was an announcement that there was to be a massive "friend cull". I crossed my fingers and kept praying.

Yesterday my prayers were answered - I made the cut!!!!!
I've just had a source of digital stress removed from my life, that of the crashing bore.

Many of you may guess who the crashing bore that I'm talking about is. I expect half of you to delete me from your blogroll for having the smarts to say it like it is. That's OK. I'd rather stand up now and be a little more truthful, even if it turns me into a social pariah.

Oh, and I just wish PMS would hit me a little more often.

22 comments:

rene said...

Ha! I LOVE it! Facebook me and tell me who the hell you are talking about. I can't work it out and it is KILLING me!

LizN said...

well obviously you're still my friend Rene, lol :)

Kerry W said...

F&*K you've got balls Liz! :P It's bloody hilarious...can't stop laughing! :O)

Can't wait for your next PMS instalment!

LizN said...

me too, I can't stop smiling either :)
What's in store for next month...gee it had better be good!

Michelle said...

Mental note - never piss Liz off! That was bloody hilarious!

LizN said...

Well you just better behave yourself then Michelle :) lol!

ss2306 said...

I wish it would hit you more often too!

You're on fire girlfriend.

Love your work. Keep it up. Say hi to TOM for me when he arrives (lol).

LizN said...

Unfortunately TOM has arrived. Looks like I'm back in my box for another month..that is unless I can find me a bottle of organic living vodka...

Witchazel said...

LOL I have always thought Facebook was a lot like highschool, you can't be my friend cause I'm her friend and you sais mean things about my friend so now I'm not your friend LOL I saw the announcement and wondered if I too was considered quantity rather than quality... still not sure... really don't care cause I ws never any good at the whole highschool thing, I was too busy cahsing boys... LOL

Anonymous said...

In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons HA ha! That was so funny Liz, you have a very sharp wit and a great way with words! I'm presuming this person is part of the organic toilet paper bum wiping brigade (I still chuckle when I think about that post). Keep telling it as it is!
Marina xo

LizN said...

Cathy, I never chased boys...I ate them for dinner!

Marina, a softer more natural butt she never did have! lol!

Cherub said...

I read your 'deleted' comment on Google Reader and loved it.

I sometimes think that you should be able to be facebook friends for a month only - enough time to catch up and be nosey about old school 'friends' and then never 'see' them again - like the last 20 years!

LizN said...

Hey Claire, actually all of the interactions I've had with people from school have been 100% positive...

I'm now starting to turn into a pumpkin now PMS has gone!

Anonymous said...

Liz you obviously are not far behind this person if you have taken the time to sit down & write this rubbish, who do you think you are to judge people on what they put on face book, aren't you supposed to be some guru trainer that supports people, the only thing you have is this blog, which gets more & more looking like it's author needs more help herself, how about you get off your butt & get outside & live your lean life instead of sitting front of your computer screen & watching face book to see if someone posts something you don't like :)

LizN said...

Ooh Anonymous, I think you deserve a post all of your own....

Erica Green said...

Liz, what an awesome post... and I'm 99% sure I know exactly who you're talking about (person from your email the other day?). You are such a funny chick, and GOOD ON YOU for having the balls to say what a lot of us are usually thinking!

That "Anonymous" person sounds scary... I'd be shaking in my boots if I were you. I have to say, whoever they are, they're pretty ballsy to post anonymously! ;-)

Now get off your butt and go eat a souvlaki like the awesome trainer you are!!! xox

Nicole said...

GRRR - still trying to catch up on everything that has happened whilst I was in hospital!! Goddamn!! I have missed all the good stuff!! LOL

Spartze said...

Just wanted to ask if all of you are feeling better now for personally attacking someone publically but at the same time not being game enough to name them..... I do realize that blogs are there to vent, talk or discuss whatever issues are vexing you at the time but to go to the extent that you have on this person is disgusting.
Theres a hide feature on facebook which means you can turn off their updates if it pisses you off that much at having to read them.

LizN said...

Hi Katie, I know that you are very close to this person and as I said in my last post, know that underneath all this "over the top" with her is a 100% decent person. Unfortunately I believe that her perspective of me has been clouded by someone who is of the lowest common denominator who I have now spoken of in my last post. The whole time I have known her I have been nothing but supportive. I did try the hide feature but couldn't make it work.

So I said it like it is. Big deal. It's the truth. I find this sort of shit annoying as does anyone who knows the difference between a solid training session and attention seeking bullshit.

In this response, I'm giving you my answer about this person. I'm criticizing the behaviour. THAT is what is appalling in my boat.

Best,
liz N

Anonymous said...

Hi Liz ! Liberator again here!
Wow that reply to sparte was some major back peddling wasn't it!
I was over at the lowest common denominators site today & i see a least she's got some titles for all that showboat training, what do you have? Big fat ZERO! you must be so proud! How do you know about her training videos anyway? Maybe it's like the other ladies Facebook you just can"t help you self can you??
Maybe I should call the LCM the Guru next time as she has something to show for it! All you have is a big fat jealous chip on you shoulder that you can't shake off!!!! ps i see your moving, Overseas i hope :)

LizN said...

You deserve another post all of your own my friend.

Flea said...

my my my Liz what have i missed?

Some people are really jealous of you and probably envy you and can't stand the fact that you are such a fit, hot and EDUCATED (it's 2 degrees last I counted) person.
Keep up your good work, i don't visit often but when i do I'm always happy with what I find here.

you rock and I love your honesty too. You have gutts, unlike some "anonymous" writers.

Take care and all the best with the move!!