A Little More Conversation (rather than a little less!)

Today I am feeling thankful for everyone that has come and read my last post on having a "fierce discussion". I want to let everyone know that I value each and everyone's comments, even if you felt hesitant to post them because I think this has opened up perhaps issues that run a bit deeper - which is a good thing - I know I get a lot more out of these 'meatier' posts than the ones where everything is fabulous (though, don't get me wrong, if life is treating you well then I'm happy for ya!) Sue has posted more on her blog, explaining her perspective and sharing an email from a client who has felt some confusion about the "turnaround" of some of the bloggers. I want to expand a bit more on these blogs and comment a bit more on the email that was shared.

Again, please feel free to leave your comments - don't be hesitant because every voice counts whether you agree or not.

The first point: "Am I better than you..." My answer - no - we're all worthwhile and we're all beautiful. I see the physical expression of beauty in all shapes and sizes. I see the potential in those who choose to take care of themselves and that treat themselves like the worthwhile people they are......

The point was quite the opposite, in that usually all the photos we see on blogs and competitors websites show people in their best condition. I wanted to show what I look like in the off season, when I’m ‘normal’ and not dieting, to let others know who have read the negative posts and have become somewhat confused, to have them understand that it doesn’t have to be black and white. You can eat well and still ‘live’. I too have struggled too with the same issues that everyone has, but have over the years managed to learn how to eat well but intuitively off season and not be on a diet year round.

I thought Sue's photo showed a fit healthy woman ( you look great too btw!) , just like Shelley's recent photos and my own birthday photos. I think a salient point was hit on with this paragraph - getting into single digit body fat percentages for us women isn't normal at all. The "turnaround" that Katie and Shelley are experiencing is what is described as moving towards a more intuitive way of eating, where learning to listen to your hunger and fullness cues, rather than following a structured "plan".

Nobody said we should be on a diet indefinitely, and of course it’s counterproductive if you are, and yes, intuitive eating is something we should definitely aim for when we don’t have a specific goal in mind.

Although there is dissidence on the notion of goal setting, the desire to eat more intuitively seems to be a common thread for many of us.

As I posted previously my perspective on goal setting is that if it benefits you after the goal is reached it's probably a reasonable prospect. Take doing a "Twelve Week Challenge" as an example - if you set a target that is unreasonable to try and maintain and you turn into a lunatic trying to do so, the goal that was set was probably unreasonable in the first place. Another example is Sue's (correct) perspective that staying 'comp lean' year round isn't the most healthy prospect.

Bodybuilding and striving to reach a peak actually has saved me from the disordered eating patterns and body image issues that I used to deal with, so for me, thumbs up to it. I used to struggle and struggle to get to where I wanted to be, never getting there, always feeling like a failure, diet after diet.

I find this an interesting take on bodybuilding and if you feel it benefits you, then go for it. My perceptions of comps have nothing to do with taking down girls who want to compete. I enjoyed the training side of it the most but as I mentioned before, I have reservations now about whether Figure Comps are such a good thing - one of the biggest reasons for me choosing not to compete had to do with the effect it would have on my pre teen daughters and how they felt about their bodies, one of them commenting to me that felt bad because she didn't have "muscles".

Self sabotage when it comes to diet is interesting, and here is my take. I really feel that if you are using food as a crutch or an outlet, there is probably something else in your life you are unhappy with – be it work, relationships, lifestyle etc. So maybe that should be a starting point, to have a look and see if those aspects maybe affecting the way you eat.

Emotional eating is an interesting animal and often people will eat for reasons other than hunger because they feel powerless to address certain issues in life. I have "emotionally eaten" with the best of them at times - but learning to manage life better is the key - these skills just can't be taught with a "diet" or a "challenge" because eating and exercise cannot address these issues alone. If it were all about calories in vs calories out, very few people would have a weight problem. Remember that the diet industry is the only industry that profits out of making their clients or their users fail! Scary stuff, eh?

Now onto the email that Sue's Client sent her and some of my thoughts in bold capitals:

This was the email I received that prompted me to check out the blogs concerned and then post my thoughts…my response to the email is in capitals below….

Lately I am really confused about this new “movement” that’s sweeping across blogland…

Women whom I admired, who seemed very dedicated and serious about their fitness and health are seemingly changing direction.

They are bagging accountability of any form, they are refusing to weigh or measure (themselves or their food), and are embarking on these journeys of self discovery that don’t involve any set plans when it comes to food. THE WOMEN YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT HAVE CHOSEN TO TAKE A DIFFERENT PATH, BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE NOT WORTH ADMIRING BECAUSE THEY'VE CHANGED THEIR MINDS ABOUT A FEW THINGS. BEING ABLE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND IS WHAT DRIVES PERSONAL GROWTH! WHAT THESE WOMEN CHOOSE TO DO IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS, OR YOURS EITHER (this is not to sound abrasive, but I simply mean..tread your own path....). OUR BUSINESS IS WHAT WE CHOOSE TO DO TO MAKE OURSELVES HAPPY.

Most of these people have competed in Figure at least once, and they all talk about having eating disorders because they have been obsessed with weighing and measuring and as a result give in to bingeing on a regular basis. IT'S WELL DOCUMENTED THAT THE RATE OF EATING DISORDER PREVALENCE IS MUCH HIGHER IN SPORTS WHERE APPEARANCE OR WEIGHT CLASS IS AN ISSUE. I BELIEVE IT'S SOMETHING THAT SHOULDN'T BE SWEPT UNDER THE CARPET BECAUSE WE THINK THAT FIGURE COMPETITORS ARE INSPIRING.

When a girl who lost about 26kg and became a Figure Competitor wrote in her blog about the good old fashioned basics needed for weight loss, she was shot down for being so black and white and not giving any thought to the “heart mind body” connection. I DIDN'T SEE THIS, BUT BELIEVE DISCUSSING THE MIND BODY CONNECTION IS REALLY IMPORTANT AS WELL AS THE MECHANICS OF WEIGHT LOSS.

As for me, I am delighted with the results I have achieved by following the IBO program. I need accountability, and if I don’t weigh or measure my food, how do I know if I’m eating too much or not enough? If I don’t weigh or measure myself, how do I know if I’m making progress?…As for the “heart mind body” thing, if I am happy, the three are in sync. Losing weight and improving my fitness levels has given me a lot of happiness and confidence, which makes all aspects of my life better. AWESOME NEWS THAT YOU ARE FEELING GREAT AND LIFE IS BETTER FOR YOU. LOSING WEIGHT/BODY FAT IN MANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BEING LEAN AND ENJOYING YOUR LIFE IS A WORTHWHILE ENDEAVOUR (IF THE LONG TERM PERSPECTIVE IS RIGHT IN MY OPINION). SOMETIMES OUR BODY KNOWS BETTER THAN THE PLAN WE TRY TO GIVE IT - WHAT DO YOU DO WITH RAGING PMS AND BEING HUNGRIER THAN USUAL - RED LINE IT ON THE PLAN AND PROBABLY END UP OVEREATING LATER ON BECAUSE BIOLOGY HAS WON (YOU'RE JUST DARN HUNGRY) OR LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND EAT A LITTLE BIT EXTRA? CONVERSELY WHEN YOU'RE SICK, FORCING FOOD IN ISN'T SO SMART EITHER. HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE MAKING PROGRESS? YOUR CLOTHES FIT BETTER, THERE'S A SPRING IN YOUR STEP AND YOU'RE FEELING FIT AND STRONG....

Just wondering what your thoughts are, do you ever feel like throwing in the towel?

(I won't copy Sue's reply here which is on the email blog - just as worthwhile as this one, some similarities and some differences..but that's why it's good to see it )

I DON'T FEEL LIKE THROWING IN THE TOWEL, BECAUSE I SEE FITNESS AND EATING WELL AS PART OF MY SELF CARE REGIME. I WEIGH AND MEASURE MY FOOD FOR RECIPES, AND, LIKE SUE, IF I FEEL THAT I WANT TO MAKE SOME CHANGES..IE I HAVE A PURPOSE FOR DOING SO I WILL LOG AND USE THAT INFORMATION TO BENEFIT MY CHOICES. LIKEWISE I ALSO CHOOSE TO BE MORE INTUITIVE WITH MY EATING, MEANING THAT IF I HAVE RAGING PMS, I'M PROBABLY GOING TO EAT MORE, IF I'M ILL, I'LL PROBABLY EAT LESS AND IF MY LONG LOST FRIEND FROM WHEREVER TURNS UP AT RANDOM AND WE GO OUT FOR PIZZA, I'LL EAT UNTIL I'M PLEASANTLY SATISFIED AND NOT STUFFED.

This view may be different to that of Shelley and Katie, but I know one thing is for sure, they're supporting the journey that makes me happy - I'm off now to read Katie's second post on goal setting - whether I agree or not with it doesn't matter, what makes a great post is that it opens your eyes to another perspective and makes you think!

Thank you to Sue for posting your thoughts as well. If it opens discussion up to what we can do to make the world a better place or to help someone who is looking for info about this sort of stuff then it's been a worthwhile exercise.

Invitation for some 'fierce discussion'

I've just read a post titled "Why The Blog Negativity?" and I feel compelled to have a fierce discussion on my blog about all of this. I want to be very clear to Sue, the author (whose blog I enjoy reading ) that this is not a personal attack, but rather an invitation into some critical thinking and setting the record straight.

Doing the rounds of blog land recently and have noticed that there seems to be a lot of negativity going on in the Figure comp/training/dieting world. It seems certain people are scouring blogs to try and take down anyone who enjoys improving their health and physique through structured training and nutrition.

Having goals is actually perceived as a negative by these people. Maybe this negativity has come about because these particular people were not successful at their own goals, and are envious of those who are, and those that enjoy the process of achieving them? Why shouldn’t you have a goal, something to drive you to improve and achieve? How someone can see this as a bad thing is beyond me.

It was also mentioned there is no such thing as a ‘bad food’ just the way you think and perceive the food.

Let's look at this more closely. That "certain people" are scouring blogs to try and take down anyone in the figure world is highly misleading. From where I sit, you're looking at one comment, left on Kristin Gleeson's blog by Shelley Stark and you're looking at a thought provoking post about goal setting, written by health and fitness commentator, Katie P.

Both of these bloggers have successfully competed in more than one Figure Competition and are more than qualified to discuss their post competition experiences and aren't afraid to be brutally honest about their struggles. In no way are either of these bloggers "bagging" other Figure Competitors, but rather challenging beliefs in a positive way - what I call "fierce conversation".

It takes some emotional maturity to have a fierce conversation, often they contain things you don't want to hear at the time, but ultimately, you're grateful that you did.

Let's look at Katie's posts on ditching goal setting - this is a really thought provoking post and I'm really glad she posted it. I think the world needs more posts like this which invoke critical thinking and discussion. There's no shred of personal attack in these posts rather an invitation for constructive dialogue. I think if a goal allows personal growth and you keep benefiting after achievement of the goal has been reached, then goal setting can be a good thing. I agree that sometimes setting short term goals can mask longer term problems. Thank you to Katie for making me think!

Let's break down the notion that there is "no such thing as a bad food, just the way you think and perceive the food."

There is a mention of double whoppers and cheeseburgers which, when compared to other things are relatively devoid of nutrients that we define as health giving - no question about it and no one in their postings is arguing this fact. However, what would your perception of a double whopper be if that was the only food you had available to you on a desert island and would ultimately impact on whether you lived or died? The perception of the Double Whopper in this situation would be correctly labelled as life giving (though, personally I hope I never end up in that situation, but hopefully you can see my drift!)

Kristin recently mentioned on her blog that she was excited to be setting new goals toward another competition, having just completed her first (2) and having thoroughly enjoyed the experience. She was asked this question by a fellow blogger:

“Why do you have to have a goal, competing or other, to wake up each day with excitement and a purpose? Isn’t living a happy, fulfilled, contented life purpose enough?”

I found Shelley's comment to be interesting. When I did my initial physique transformation, the recommendation post comp or post 12 weeks was to set another goal straightaway, to be leveraged. As a coach, I've seen many girls lurch from comp to comp as a means of controlling leanness and who punish themselves with a rarified sub RMR intake, rather than facing some of the harder truths about living lean for the long term, which include learning to love yourself no matter where you are along the journey and learning how to honour yourself with choices that bring your body towards peak performance.

I have written lately that I am questioning the purpose of Figure Comps - I think the concept of being judged on your appearance by an external source is highly overrated, especially if you're up on stage in the best physical condition of your life. I even wince when saying "best" - because I would say my best physical condition (where I kick butt in the gym ) looks a bit different to my Figure look. I find it sad that comping can affect people's perception of what is truly important so much that they feel they can't stay with their friends, enjoy a meal with their family or miss a training session. I'm disturbed that practices such as extreme dehydration are accepted as techniques that are meant to make you look your very "best. "

I'm proud that I've remained dead set against this outlook with any of the comp girls I've prepped. That said, you couldn't have stopped me from doing my shows, so I do understand the appeal of competing and encourage anyone who is really keen to get a coach who doesn't embrace any of the above practices (and this is not to toot my horn because I'm not currently accepting any new Figure Prep clients) If you're competing for your own self satisfaction and to see how far you can take yourself, regardless of how you're judged then it can be a worthwhile endeavour. It really depends on the context in which you're competing. Be aware that there's almost always a bumpy road post comp with your eating patterns - how well you recover is more dependent on developing skills of waking up with the feeling of " Isn’t living a happy, fulfilled, contented life purpose enough?” as opposed to setting the next goal.

I’m a little confused. I mean, what do you think it is that makes a ‘happy, fulfilled, contented life’? Sitting on the couch watching tv and munching on Macca’s, simply existing?

Neither of the two bloggers that I am referring to sit on their couches, munch Macca's and simply exist as part of their mantras for living a happy and fulfilled life. I train with Shelley twice a week and she is a fit, vibrant chick who can lift some seriously heavy weights. Katie does RPM, lifts weights and practices meditation and yoga - hardly people that are "simply existing"

I don’t feel its right to bag those who enjoy the challenge of competing and the process that goes along with it. If that makes them feel great, that’s awesome. If it’s not for you, that’s fine too, but don’t go suggesting to those that do enjoy it, that they should be happy just ‘existing’ without the challenge of improvement and competition.

Nobody is bagging anyone who enjoys the challenge of competing but I have to ask how does one really gauge what "improvement" is in the Figure World? You're not judged on whether you're strong or fit or fast, you're judged on your looks! This is also a huge problem with fitness magazines - I've been told as a writer, after suggesting an accomplished athlete for a feature article - "she's not pretty enough, we only want to profile beautiful people in our magazine". Needless to say, I'd rather be associated with publications that promote performance over physique any day of the week.

Some comments may be thought provoking and initially seem abrasive, but take pause - they're coming from a place of concern and of love. We're all on different journeys, different paths and each one is just as worthwhile as the other. If someone had said the same thing to me in the thick of my bodybuilding phase, I probably would have slapped them - but I have had the gift of time and growth to see things differently.

I find it really interesting that it is perceived in the first place that if you're not competing or having physique goals, you're off in a corner somewhere eating a pile of crap. Eating "piles of crap" and letting it all go isn't what ditching a diet and learning how to eat more intuitively is about. Putting food in a morally neutral perspective is part of the journey and this is what Shelley is alluding to. Eating well because you want to look after yourself is part of this journey - which I see in Sue's comments about eating consistently and eating healthfully - basically they're both talking about the same thing, in a different context.

To sum up, I don't see negativity as such, just a different opinion. And whilst we may not always agree on everything, life would be pretty boring if we all thought the same way.

I would invite everyone's thoughts on the matter!